i was reading my friendster blog wen i suddenly came across 1 of my past entries.. nd i think mej applicable sakin ngaun ung entry ko..

date: dec 27, 2005

life has its own ups and down..
we all know that don't we...
but do we really understand it?...
if you ask me... i actually don't..
i just don't understand why we feel so down right after feeling so happy...
you know wat i mean..
pgtpos ng sobrang saya.. chaka k nmn iiyak...
kng gnon nlng dn.. yaw k n sumaya...
i miss the old days n wla ako problema..
msya s bhay, skul, lovelife..
potah ngaun wla ng msya...
yaw k n sna mgmura pro damn i hate being so alone...
im not saying is all i need a partner.. hindi un ang ibig kong sabihin..
i can stay single for the rest of my life and still be happy.. but i know that would only happen if im contented with myself..
NEWS FLASH: I'M NOT..
i don't know why but i feel that i still haven't found the real me.. i'm still on the stage where i put on several masks while figuring out what face would blend with others better..
i know i have friends and i do treasure them but i still can't say that what im showing them is the real me...
this is all because of what happened in the past..
it still haunts me up until now..
and i hate it...
why can't i just step forward and go on with my life as i used to do..
i don't want to feel so ugly, worthless, and insecure...
this is not aybody's fault... it's all mine.....
i have accepted it now...
they've hurt me but it's me who kept all the pain inside...
they've left me but it's me who never let go..
i must move on.. but i just can't...
all im saying here is........
I JUST WANNA BE HAPPY AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!